Welcome. If you’re new here, this is the best place to begin.
My name is Iris Derke. I’m a New York City concert producer, classical flutist, eight-time NYC Marathon finisher, and as of the Fall of 2024, someone who put down the drink and picked up a pen. I’ve participated in four 155-mile desert races, all of them from the back of the pack. This blog is where I share the lessons, the stories, the tools, and the unfiltered dispatches from a life lived at full volume, with all the static finally gone.
There are two books on the way, and the writing here falls into four areas. Find the one that speaks to you and dive in.
The Books
Two books. Same woman. One story.
Mental Laundry: Notes from the Back of the Pack · Coming 2027
A book about running that is not really about running. Four 155-mile self-supported desert races and eight New York City Marathons, never once near the front. The outside view: the miles, the deserts, the back of the pack.
The soundtrack, the four deserts, the gear, and the glossary →
Camera Dark · In progress
The inside view: what came into focus when the noise finally cleared. A life memoir built around sober-minded living and the real business of showing up. It is not a recovery memoir. It is the book I wish someone had handed me, written for the creative in all of us, that inner child who once burned with curiosity and passion for whatever it was that lit you up before the world talked you out of it.
For the person who holds it together in public and is quietly falling apart in private. For anyone who has ever wondered how they got here, and whether there’s still time to go somewhere else.
There is.
David Geffen Hall, Lincoln Center. Photo: Justin Zang.
I. Sober-Minded Living
Not a recovery blog. A life blog that happens to include the year alcohol left the building, and everything that arrived in its place.
Start with the pillar piece: Sober-Minded Living: What I’ve Learned Since Alcohol Left the Building. The full story of white-knuckling, the tribe I almost didn’t find, the three pillars that rebuilt my daily life, and a note on the memoir in progress.
Then go deeper:
- From Dark Places to Joy: Embracing Change and Support. The motorcycle dream that showed me exactly what white-knuckling looks like, and the start button waiting at my fingertips the whole time.
- Saudade: The Power of Sober Clarity. My sober sisters and I went searching for a word that captures the bittersweet gift of feeling everything fully. We found it in Portuguese.
- Lost Insomnia. I miss my insomnia. The strange grief of losing the 4am hours that once belonged only to me.
- Running Against Demons: My NYC Marathon Experience. My eighth NYC Marathon, my one-year sobriety milestone, and a demon shirt I didn’t realize I was wearing until the photos came back.
- Mind Over Muscle: Finding Strength in Pilates and Sober Living. On jumping back in, the quiver of returning muscles, and why the sober mind and the body are on the same journey.
- Over the Wall: A Dive into Peace and Reflection. 185 feet down in the Bahamas on New Year’s Day 2025, and the one word that surfaced with me.
II. Running as Metaphor for Everything
155 miles through the Atacama Desert. The Arctic Circle of Finland. The Gobi. The NYC Marathon eight times over. Every race taught me the same thing in a different climate: forward motion is the answer.
The latest:
- The Only Thing Weathered Was His Hat. Around mile seven of the Bronx 10-miler, I find the perfect walking mentor. Then he checks his watch.
- Full Pockets. Three weeks to my ninth NYC Marathon, Pocket Time in the Atacama, a charging German shepherd, and preparing for awe instead of disaster.
- Two Notes at Once. A Tuvan throat singing soundtrack, a DNF in the Gobi, and the two notes my body was singing that I only half heard.
- Developed, Not Built. 25 years after 9/11, four deserts, and what the back of the pack knows about resilience.
- To Do. To Build. To Dream. A rainy Central Park group run, a runner with 46 years of miles, and a simple rule of thirds for sorting my day.
- The Penance Miles: What the Music Made Room For. When I drank heavily, I never ran with music. I called it purism. It wasn’t.
- The Rule of Thirds: A Runner’s Guide to the Days That Suck. On goddess days, average Tuesdays, and the third that sucks.
- Hope & Possibility. The Achilles Race had a name. It took me four miles to realize it was also an instruction.
From the back of the pack:
- The Eternal Knot: A Story About Beauty, Mongolia, and Finally Seeing Yourself. Two tattoos, two very different women, same body.
- Inspiring Marathon Tips for Every Runner. Everything I know after eight NYC Marathons, written for runners of all speeds.
- Back-of-the-Pack Wisdom: Celebrating Every Runner’s Journey. A love letter to the runners the crowd cheers longest.
- Where’s Fred? NYC Marathon Tribute and Inspiration. The statue, the man, the tradition every NYC Marathon runner should know.
The desert races are the heart of Mental Laundry. The soundtrack, the photos, the gear, and the glossary are on the companion page →
III. New York City Stories
New York City pulled me in from a young age and I’m still astonished by it. These are the stories the city hands you when you’re paying attention.
- Navigating Life Lessons on a NYC Subway. Mercury in retrograde, a Brooklyn 5K, and a stranger named Brendan on a subway platform who said exactly the right thing.
- The NYC Lockout Adventure: Grace, Humor & Feline. Locked out of my own apartment after a long day, with a cat watching from the other side of the door.
- The Magic of Broadway Crossing. A man, a phone, and the middle of a busy intersection. A meditation on presence.
- The Doorman Chronicles: A Tale of Pizza Shame. Our doorman Mike knows too much.
- Embracing Contradictions: Yoga and City Life. Finding stillness in a very hot room in a very loud city.
IV. Music, Arts & the Business of Showing Up
I have spent thirty years in the architecture of transcendence, producing concerts, standing in wings, watching artists pour themselves into music. These are the stories from that world.
- Crushed Velvet: Lenny’s Suit. 1997, Sotheby’s, a private room, Leonard Bernstein’s crushed velvet suit laid out on a table, and what happened when I stood alone with it.
- The Stage Before the Stage. Thirty years producing concerts at Lincoln Center, and a 16-year-old about to take the stage reminded me why I moved to New York City in the first place.
Run / Walk / Crawl. The music industry is made of indoor people. So at music conferences, before the day’s sessions begin, I take whoever shows up out to explore the city we’re visiting. If you do not run, you walk. If you do not walk, you crawl. It started in Cincinnati with a runner count of one. Me. Now it’s part of the programming at Chorus America. Next up: ACDA Nationals in Minneapolis (March 2027) and Chorus America in Los Angeles (June 2027). Come run with me. The full story →
Two books on the way. Subscribe and I’ll tell you first when they’re ready.
Readers, come walk with me on Substack.
Literary agents, publishers, and rights inquiries: books@iris-derke.com
Iris
New York City
