185 feet Down

Andros, Bahamas

January 1, 2025: PEACE. It always seems to come first—peace and joy, peace and love, peace before action. When my sober sisters group asked us to choose one word for 2025, I’d been mulling it over without much clarity. Then, as I surfaced from a 185-foot dive at 6:30 am on this first morning of the new year, PEACE rang crystal clear in my mind, body, heart, and soul.

We’re spending the week at one of our family’s happy places in the Bahamas—my husband, our 22-year-old daughter, and me. Our daughter got certified the minute she turned 10 (the youngest age for your “ocean driver’s license”), and diving together has created some of our most treasured memories. We’d never visited this remote dive resort in December before, but this year we came specifically for their annual January 1st sunrise dive at “Over the Wall”—a tradition said to bring good luck for the year ahead.

“Over the Wall” is a legendary dive site with an awe-inspiring wall that drops endlessly into the abyss. At 185 feet, we experienced what divers call “nitrogen narcosis” or “getting narced”—the body’s response to compressed gases that brings on giddiness and pure joy once you hit about 120 feet. I found myself overflowing with love, tears streaming into my mask, filled with euphoria that’s honestly better than any alcoholic drink I’ve ever had. The feeling fades as you ascend, but the memory stays.

Diving demands presence. You need skills and tools to explore places humans aren’t meant to go while staying in complete control. It rewards you with perspective—a reminder that the world is so vast, and we’re just tiny pieces of it all. For me, it’s a reality check not to take everything so damn seriously.

This morning was spectacular. We walked to the dock at twilight, watching glorious stars tuck themselves away as the first colors of 2025 painted the sky in splashes of orange, red, and blue. All 15 of us watched the sunrise in shared silence as our boat headed out.

Scuba diving is one of the few activities that gives me a real “mind scrub.” It cleans out—or at least organizes—the endless thoughts, to-do lists, and recent work on becoming a better version of myself. The process of ripping away layers to find my core has been challenging and sometimes painful, so these daily dives have been welcome therapy.

After this magical dive, I was one of the first back on the boat. Sitting at the edge, surrounded by overwhelming Caribbean blues, my body still tingling from the cool water, I swear I heard a “snap” as clarity enveloped me. My mind went completely quiet—free of thoughts and especially the ever-present noise usually buzzing in my head. Without trying, without meditating, just… stillness.

And with that clean slate, my word appeared clearly and distinctly: Peace.

Not just peace of mind or peace from chaos, but peace to love myself. A simple word with endless meanings that feels exactly right as my compass for this next chapter. Peace and love, peace and joy—layered with forgiveness, moderation, courage, and tranquility.

It took several days to unwind from daily life and adjust to vacation tempo, to truly realize I wasn’t working. The recent tough lessons from my recovery journey had been consuming me with overthinking, creating never-ending mental chatter. But this amazing gift delivered on January 1st, 2025, was beyond anything I could have imagined for starting a new year.

I think I’ll try on “peace” for a while. It feels really good—like my scuba gear right before I jump into the deep. Safe, embracing, and there for me as I leap into the unknown, determined to find beauty while keeping myself and my family safe as we encounter all kinds of adventures.

Sometimes the most profound insights come not from seeking, but from simply being present enough to receive them. Here’s to a year of peace—in all its beautiful forms.